Monday, February 20, 2006

Arctic Monkeys / Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not / Rating: 7.4

Fittingly then the NME awarded this album a 10/10. To the rest of us, however, the album is at times charming, oddly affecting, and certainly promising but understandably something less than life changing.

Hate is too strong of a word.

It’s not a feeling of intense dislike either, just indifference.

Artic Monkeys mean nothing to me.

They don’t strike me as a headlining band, they sound like a tolerable opening band I wouldn’t recall a week from now.

The production of the entire record is as beige as the music itself. I’ve heard live sound board recordings with more POP and power.

Beginner’s guitar solos, an abuse of clean to distortion dynamics, bass lines that chase each song rather than anchor it, secondhand funk / ska repetitions… all of this equates to a barely above average bar band. Didn’t I hear an version of this band open for Living Color and Blur over a decade and a half ago?

Singer Alex Turner gets the job done but I say the same thing about my half fast UPS guy who is too lazy to ring my bell and opts to instead leave boxes on the front porch against the door. If your whole purpose is to deliver a package why not throw a little effort into making sure it gets there?

Arctic Monkeys have lyrics that are as interesting as pub banter between two boys nursing their pints.

Is Artic Monkeys really a better band name than say, AIDS Wolf. Can we please have a wildlife band name strike for 2006?

This can’t possibly be the band NME called one of the best British rock records of all time, could it? I am convinced someone has slipped me a demo from a UK university dorm band as a joke because NME couldn't possibly be that delusional...could they?

If I was a member of Oasis or The Clash I would be pissed as shit that this gimpy rock band is being pimped as the next big thing out of England.

A PFM 7.4 rating is about double what I am willing to give Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not.

What is the best thing about Artic Monkeys?